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Stuttering Shell: Cleansing my soul?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Cleansing my soul?

So, that post I wrote earlier, yeah, it wasn't very nice and I'm sure those of you who are new to following me might just be a bit, um, shocked?

I mean, I tried to keep it semi-clean and keep the name calling to a minimum. I'm not normally one for confrontation, but when provoked it can prove to be pretty darn lethal. Those who know me well know that I have - amazingly enough - absolutely zero backbone and I have a tendency to be an overly sensitive person.

I believe that the lack of backbone proves to be a blessing in disguise, sort of, because it (unfortunately?) allows the rage, frustrations and other nonsensical stuff to fester inside of me before I let it all out...if I let it out at all. The overly sensitive part of me proves to be a bit of a positive thing, too, because all of that sensitivity can be used in creative ways especially when it comes to being passionate about someone or something.

With all of that being said, posts like that won't appear on my blog anymore. The last year and a half have been a trying one for me emotionally and mentally. You would think that I was the one who got divorced, but no...I wasn't. I was, however, a victim of the divorce and as time has passed I've learned many upsetting things about a person who was such a big part of my life. It saddens me to know that things were said about me (we're talking BAD things, not good, nice things) and I can't do anything to change what was said...or even done. All I can do is continue to be there not only for myself, but for my family who all love and support me no matter what boneheaded things are being said about me.

If you spent only five minutes in my shoes, then I think you would understand. I've grappled with issues of trust and felt first-hand the pains of being stabbed in the back. All of this after a 10+ year relationship with someone who I once thought was sincere and genuinely liked me for me. Obviously not.

So, the moral of the story is - be nice. That old saying is true, if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all...and I no longer have anything nice to say about THAT person. Therefore, to all of my faithful readers (and to clear my mind) please know that I do apologize for the bold & brash tone of my earlier blog - I just had to get it out of my system - but if you happen to be THAT person, then this apology isn't for you. One of these days I may forgive you, but today isn't one of them.



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