reflection & relief.

it's the first of the month. a new month. last month has come & gone. soon, this year will have come & gone.

today marks a new beginning for me. i have left behind a bad situation & am looking forward to moving on. unfortunately, that bad situation was my job. but, i'm considering it a blessing in disguise. i left on my own accord, on my own terms & in my own {fabulously ridiculous} way.

i'll avoid going into detail about why it happened or what went wrong or who was to blame or at fault. that's trivial information because {for those of you 'in real life' folks who read my blog solely for vindictive purposes} it's honestly something that needed to happen. the truth shall prevail & if you want it, come ask me for it.

i'll admit it, i'm scared. i'm fearful for my future...for my family's future. but, i'm a true believer that things happen for a reason. i'm going to take this negative & turn it into a positive. i feel that i went through what i went through because God has something more special & more meaningful in store for me. what it is or when it will happen...i don't know. but, in the meantime, i'll see this time off as a way to spend more time with my kids, my family & myself.

i've done a lot of crying today. a lot. i've washed my face & reapplied my makeup twice already. sometimes it's tears of anger. sometimes it's tears of confusion. sometimes it's tears of...joy. my husband told me not to be sorry. to never be sorry. things are going to be okay, he said. i'm so lucky i married someone so positive. i'm trying, i really am.

and, while i may be uncertain about the future, i do feel a sense of relief within my soul. i think my heart is beating stronger. i think i am breathing easier. tonight, when i lay my head on my pillow, i know that i will sleep soundly & deeply.

tomorrow is a new day.