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Stuttering Shell: basket case?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

basket case?

do you have the time
to listen to me whine
about nothing and everything
all at once
i am one of those
melodramatic fools
neurotic to the bone
no doubt about it

sometimes I give myself the creeps

sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
it all keeps adding up
i think I'm cracking up
am I just paranoid?
am I just stoned?

{the first two verses of 'basket case' by green day}

nope, definitely not stoned. i don't think i'm paranoid either. but, it's a safe bet to assume that the rest of those lyrics do describe me to an extent. my quasi-breakdown post from earlier this week is living proof of that. i do have a flare for the dramatic sometimes. i recall that i did promise {at one point} to be more positive, so i'm sorry for being so negative. i had to get it out of my system. it worked at the time. all of that negative energy, however, is still floating around in my system.

but, before you go worrying about me & my mental state, please know that all is well in that cavernous space between my ears. really. i'm not mental. i'm pretty normal. i definitely do not believe i'm depressed {although those commercials for depression meds really strike a chord with me for some reason}. i'm sleeping like i should, eating like i should, working like i should, smiling & laughing like i should and loving like i should.

it's just been rough lately.

and, as the liar told me the other day, "get used to it because it's going to keep coming." {truer words have never been spoken from someone i have absolutely zero respect for. of course it's going to keep coming...if you would just stand up and assume responsibility for your actions, then maybe...just husband's life could go back to it's normal existence. but, no...}

i've said it before and i'll say it again -- i can't get into detailed specifics about what has me so miserable. it has to do with the company that adam & i both used to work for. it's an issue adam is unfortunately having to deal with {and i've made it my issue just because i'm his wife and we're a partnership...a team}. it's an issue that is draining our bank account, but it's not going to break us emotionally, mentally or physically. i don't know what the outcome will be, but i will say this...i would live with adam in a cardboard box if i had to.

additionally, it upsets me that we have to go through all of this with children in tow. they didn't ask to get thrown into this mess. they don't understand why a certain someone did what he did and why their father has to be the one held responsible. if adam & i didn't have children this situation wouldn't be torturing my heart nearly as badly as it is.

adam & i - our marriage - is fine. nothing rocky. a wee bit shaky due to the circumstances, but overall...everything is bueno.

i will end with this:

if you can't trust family, then who can you trust?

and that's all i have to say about that.



Blogger Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

You have the right attitude. No matter what happens, if you have your family, that is all that matters. Where you live is insignificant.

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot, I just read your other post (I have been doing pretty bad about getting around to blogs too). Hang in there, I really hope everything works out for you guys soon! If you every need to talk, email me, I will totally give you my cell. Sometimes it is easier talking to someone who is not around everything.

Mar 29, 2010, 1:20:00 AM  

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