license to drive?

i have mentioned my commute to work before. it can be a pretty intense drive at times. some days, i go through three tunnels just to get home {tunnels underwater, not tunnels through mountains}. overall? it's not so bad. you get used to it. of course, i say this now...we'll see what i'm saying next month, right?

anyways, i spend a good two hours of my day behind the wheel just commuting to & from work and these are some of the observations i've made as of late:

• just because you have new jersey tags* on your car does not mean you get to maneuver a u-bomb right.in.front. of me. no, no, no. i'm going over the speed limit. you can't whip a car around that quickly.
• just because you are driving a mother effin' mercedes does not mean you can just fling your car into my lane on the highway. especially not when i'm right there. and, especially without using your turn signal or checking first. maybe that's why your pretty, white mercedes suv is missing part of the tail light on the driver's side...did you ever think about that?
• if you come flying up onto my rear bumper, please be prepared to get brake checked.
• don't stop in the middle of the interstate to get out of your car and walk up to the person behind you who isn't even remotely close to hitting your car {i actually saw this the other morning}.
• the cop is on the other side of the road...on the other side of the concrete barrier. he's got someone stopped already. you don't need to take your foot off the gas and drive below the speed limit. it's okay. keep driving.
• if you're going to talk on your cell phone & drive at the same time, please make sure that you're doing the speed limit and not driving like you're going through a school zone {we're on the interstate...that's how cars get run over, ya know...}.
• people, you look stupid if you're driving down the road with your turn signal on {with no turn or lane change in sight} or if your gas tank cap is wide open.
• people, you look even more stupid if you're driving down the road with your left turn signal on {with no turn or lane change in sight} and your gas tank cap is wide open.
• oh, and that whole driving with your turn signal on? you look mega stupid if you have your left turn signal on but you get into the right lane. duh.
• headlights. use them. i don't care that it's not dark outside, but if it's freakin' cloudy or raining, you should at least have them on {no, not just your parking lights...are you parked? no, you're driving!}. it helps me to see you...especially when you're hovering around in my blind spot.
• i speed. yes, i do. but please don't tailgate me. this isn't nascar {no drafting allowed!}. and, besides, the lane next to me is wide open...you can go around me.
• go for it. hit my car. you might think you're hot stuff in your snazzy sports car but my ten year old nissan is fully covered by my insurance {and i bet my rate is a whole lot cheaper than yours, too!}.
• you see that light? it's green. please put your foot on the gas pedal and go.
• there is a reason the on-ramp to an interstate has an acceleration lane. speed up, you schmuck!
• beware out-of-towners, us virginia drivers are a whole 'nother breed of crazy on the road. trust me. if you don't believe me, just wait and see what happens if it's raining or if, gasp, it's snowing.
  

*i don't mean any disrespect. i have nothing against new jersey drivers except for that crazy fool who did indeed make a u-turn right in front of me as i was speeding, er, driving towards the interstate this morning.