growing pains.

my daughter is ten. need i say more?

she's officially a tween & i am officially gray. {okay, so maybe i was already graying years before my daughter hit the double-digits.}

long gone are the days of giggles, smiles & little girl innocence.

this girl?

{malia, age 3, july 2004}

{us on the metro in d.c., april 2009}

she's been replaced by a moodier, more irritating version of her former self. honestly? my mother says that she is my payback {times a gazillion} for being a moody, irritating tween/teen. i believe her. of course, malia's first birthday should have been an indicator of how things would be:

{march 2002}

do not get me wrong - i love, love, LOVE my daughter. she is my first born. she is my mini me {maybe that's the problem}. she is my everything.

what i don't love is the tumultuous journey we are about the embark on. a journey that cannot be ignored, detoured around, skipped or wished away.

i'm talking about puberty.

despite some s-l-i-g-h-t physical changes {nothing major...yet}, my little girl is still just that: a little girl. unfortunately, she's got big girl hormones raging through her body. AND, i have zero patience or tolerance for big girl hormones running through a little girl's body.

i know that she's just as scared as i am. puberty isn't a fun time. it sure as hell isn't an easy time. and, while i understand her frustrations & confusion about all of the changes that are taking place within her body, i think i'm finally starting to understand just what my parents went through when i was malia's age. {oh, who am i kidding. i was a late bloomer. i didn't start irritating the crap out of my mom until i was at least twelve.}

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i had a conversation with a friend on sunday about our girls {her daughter is a few months older than mine}. she said that she appreciates little girls who still want to be little girls. i do, too. kids grow up way too fast & i can attest to that because ten years have gone by in the blink of an eye. 

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my daughter is ten. puberty is trying to rear it's ugly head. i need to allow her to grow up & find her identity. i don't know who these growing pains are harder on...me or her.  

but, i'm still holding on to every last bit of little girl while i can.

{me & my girl at disneyland, may 2011}