Less envious and more magnanimous...

I think this is going to be my mantra from this evening (well, night) forward. I really need to stop focusing on the negative and the "what shoulda been's" or the "what has been's" because it's really not healthy and it's just not helping me keep focused on the right things. I should be thankful and appreciate what I have. While it may not seem like much to some, it's the world to me.

I suppose that a lot of my insecurities with who I am, what I have become and what I have do stem from some past mistakes. However, living a life filled with regret isn't a way to move forward in a positive manner. Also, living a life filled with envy doesn't help either. I can't necessarily make the evil green envy monster disappear completely, but I can subdue it's appearances and learn to just "chill out."

It's been a pretty interesting last couple of years. Financially we've been tested. Emotionally we've been tested. Psychologically we've been tested. Where I am at the present day is not where I had pictured myself to be, say, five years ago. However, while I may not be 100% completely out of debt or drive a brand new car or have a big house what I do have are two wonderful children, a good husband and a great job. I'm moving forward. I am reconnecting with people from my past who are positive influences on me. I am soul searching and finding out things about myself that I never knew. I am also reaching out to my spiritual side and confiding to God about my weaknesses that seem to be weighing me down.

I think that while I may not be where I would have wanted myself to be by the time I hit my thirties, I at least think that I am on the right path. Less envy....I need to live more magnanimously. I need to take the overbearing negativities from within me and focus that energy onto the positive and shift my way of thinking to a way that shows that I really am succeeding in more ways than one. I'll get there eventually. I just gotta keep the faith.