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Stuttering Shell: Oh, God

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Oh, God

I'm sitting here at the computer checking email, updating my Facebook status and just wasting time when the doorbell rang this morning. Who could it be?

Were my Girl Scout cookies being delivered?? (I mean, I don't see anything wrong with having Samoas for breakfast.)

Was it Caitlin from across the street coming over to see if Malia could play? (She can't...we've got a couple errands to run this morning.)

Was it my neighbor coming to tell me that one of our cats was on his car again? (Betsy, our female cat, likes to sit on cars...especially when they are moving.)

Was it the mailman? (No, it's only's too early for the mail.)

Were my parents dropping by for a surprise visit? (Nope, my mom wouldn't ring the doorbell like that and, besides, my parents have a set of keys to my house.)

Normally, the kids are all over the door when someone rings the doorbell or comes knocking. Any Joe Schmoe could come a-knocking and my kids would open the door and invite them in. Thank goodness for the "hotel lock" Adam installed at the tippy top of the door (if you don't have one of those and you've got kids who are too friendly for their own good then I suggest you head to Home Depot or Lowe's and get one).


I get up from the computer. I'm moving slow this morning just because it's Saturday and, yes, I'm still in my jammies. The kids are in the living room (still in their jammies, too, I might add) with a clear view of the front door and they are not moving. Neither one ran towards the door. After I didn't get an answer as to who was at the door, I go into the living room to find both kids just standing there. They were both pointing straight at the door. From the small window next to the door all I could see was a man in a dark suit and coat. He had on some dark sunglasses, too.

"Oh, geez," I thought to myself, "this is Virginia Beach...why is there a Tony Soprano-like man at my front door? What did Adam do now? We're not behind on why is someone at my door on a Saturday morning looking quite official??"

As soon as I opened the door I felt like an ass:


Our meeting was quite brief. They (yes, there were two of them...the little guy was out of view when I saw "Tony Soprano") didn't want to keep me long because I didn't have any shoes on. Oh, God...he noticed my feet?! Thank goodness my toenails were cut & polished! He gave me a pamphlet about "life in a peaceful NEW WORLD." The picture depicts a family on a hillside, picking apples, enjoying nature while in the background there are snow-capped mountain peaks, beautiful trees with golden leaves and small white cottages to live in. I just looked at the pamphlet again and noticed a family petting a lion and a girl and her mother feeding a bear. (I really need to CUT BACK on my caffeine intake).

Don't start picking me apart because I did not cut them short of their mission...not at my house at least. For starters, I opened the door. I smiled at them. I chit-chatted about how we probably NEED some of that peaceful new world in our lives right now given all the ridiculousness that is going on in the world today. I listened intently as they shared a bible verse with me (2 Peter 3:13) and then I kindly told them thank you for stopping by...and I closed the door. I don't have anything against Jehovah's Witnesses or any other religious group.

But, boy, do I feel bad for those two gentlemen......

The only thing they witnessed this morning when they stopped by my household was:
  • My bed head (my hair is can still see the pillow dent...yeah, sad)
  • My breath (gross as it is...I hadn't brushed my teeth yet)
  • My frumpy clothes (a sweatshirt and lounge pants is a really HAWT ensemble)
  • My son in the background chowing down on a bag of M&Ms (How did I miss that? What the hell was he doing with that bag of candy at 10am? That boy.)
  • My messy home (there was a path of destruction behind me that clearly showed exactly where both of my children had been and what they had done so far this morning)
  • My laundry (piled up on the couch waiting to be folded)

Say a prayer for those two gentlemen...but, if they survived a (not so early) Saturday morning encounter with me and my brood at my house then I think they are going to be alright...and maybe they'll realize that I truly do live in my own version of a peaceful (yet chaotic and not so new) world.

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