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Stuttering Shell: But for the grace of God...

Monday, August 18, 2008

But for the grace of God...

In my heart of hearts, I feel as if God is telling me that my family needs to stay put where we are. I'm not an overly religious person. I don't pray every night. But, from time to time, I do turn to God (whom just happens to be the religious diety that I choose to believe in) for advice. I feel that He knows best, right?

So, this house. You know, the one near the FIL. As nice as it would be to be closer to him, it's just not in the cards for us at this particular moment in our lives. We have too much vested into our current home at the moment (both literally and figuratively). Our kids are already in school and M's been attending the same school for three years now. We love our neighborhood and our home (even though it seems as if the walls are closing in on us sometimes). Financially, it just wouldn't be feasible.

I feel like I'm coming to my senses for a change. Normally, I would just go for it. When it comes to matters of money, I seem to have very little self-control and tend to "go for the gusto" which is completely opposite of how I am from a personality stand point...sorta. I just feel as if God's telling me that this is where we need to be no matter how gut-wrenchingly excruiciating it would be to stay here. You know, there are reasons why it would be good to move, too -- most important case in point would be to get the heck away from all of the "Wisteria Lane" happenings down in the cul-de-sac thanks to my estranged MIL. Who would want to live near someone like that? But, I continue to maintain that it's MY house they all have to drive by on their way home and not the other way around.

At any rate, I just think that we were meant to stay here. Not necessarily forever, but for the moment. We're not finished here yet. This is where our family established it's roots. This is where we have grown, loved, fought, laughed, cried, shared and grown comfortable with one another. This is where we have made mistakes, learned the hard way and gained from lessons learned.

And, while I feel that we should remain here and while I feel that it is His will that we remain here, I do also realize that there is a very slight possibility that we will end up in the house by the FIL one of these days. Thinking about whether we can afford it or not gives me an ulcer, so lately I've been choosing not to even think about the home at all. This is my home. This is where my family lives and this is where we need to continue to be.

But, for the grace of God...

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