confessions.

i watched 'confessions of a shopaholic' on sunday afternoon for the first time and it struck something within me. i was actually in tears towards the end of the movie when rebecca's father {played by john goodman...love him!} offers up the motor home that he & his wife saved so long for in order for rebecca to pay off her debts.

it's what parents do for their children.

without regard.

in some ways, i'm much like rebecca. i love to shop. not nearly as extravagantly as rebecca, but i do - nonetheless - like to shop. brand names don't hurt. although, i've never shopped at barney's nor have i ever spoken prada.

multiple cards. living a lie. hiding simple truths from those we love. no money. more problems.

i, too, have very genuine & very loving parents who - with the help of some tough love - would do anything in the world for me if i needed them to.

i've been in rebecca's shoes before. running from a problem. solving that problem by creating more problems.

i've shopped and paid for my purchases with multiple cards. i've had to scramble from month to month. i've avoided phone calls and i've had to deal with creditors calling. i've lied about my spending. about my finances.

i'm not ashamed to admit any of this.

i honestly think that this is the brutal reality for a lot of people - men & women alike - whether we choose to admit it or not. we've all got some inner demon that we're fighting against and usually that demon's name is debt.

mine is.

debt racked up from shopping.

debt racked up from careless spending.

debt racked up from being ignorant.

my turning point came three years ago. it honestly almost cost me my marriage. really, it almost did. fortunately, we worked through things - together. we're still working. i'm not debt-free. not hardly. even though i still carry a balance on my cards my total debt balance has been reduced by about two-thirds from when i started this journey.

there are no more phone calls. i try to pay more than i have to. i'm working on a debt snowball. granted, my situation has changed ever so slightly because i am no longer working. had i not left my job i would have been absolutely debt-free by the end of 2010. now, it may take a little longer, but the bottom line is, i am absolutely, 100% conscious of my situation. i think things through. i am more frugal. i no longer rely on my friend, plastic.

i'm not sharing this with you all for sympathy. rather, i think it's important to put stuff like this out there from time to time. not for words of encouragement or for stories of how so-n-so did it. no, instead this is about being brave. it's about accountability. it's about coming to terms with a problem. to look at that problem head on and tackle it. and, more importantly, it's for those of you out there who have similar problems, to not feel so alone.