transforming.

i went to a yoga class this morning and, at the end of our session, the instructor read this passage from daily om:

the great transformer
loving what you hate

Hatred can be irrational, and it has a greater impact on the individual who hates than the person or object being hated. Yet overcoming hatred is difficult because hatred reinforces itself and causes greater enmity to come into being. The most powerful tool one can use to combat hatred is love. Deciding to love what you hate, whether this is a person, situation, or a part of yourself, can create a profound change in your feelings and your experience. There is little room for anger, dislike, bitterness, or resentment when you are busy loving what you hate. The practice of loving what you hate can transform and shift your emotions from hatred to love, because there is no room for hatred in a space occupied by love.

Granted, it is difficult to forgo judging someone, love your enemy, and seek the good in situations that seem orchestrated to cause you pain or anger. But in deciding to love what you hate, you become one less person adding negativity to the universe. On a simple level, loving what you hate can help you enjoy your life more. On a more complex level, loving what you hate sets you free because you disengage yourself from the hatred that can weigh down the soul. Responding with love to people radiating hatred transmutes their negative energy. You also empower yourself by not letting their negativity enter your personal space. Rather than lowering yourself to the level of their hatred, you give the other person an opportunity to rise above their feelings and meet you on the field of love.

Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Loving what you hate sends a positive, beautiful energy to people while spreading peace and harmony throughout the planet. Instead of reinforcing hatred, you become an advocate for love. Hatred responds to hate by causing anguish. But hatred responds to love by transforming into blissful peace.

{source}

eyes closed, muscles relaxed & in the corpse pose...i listened.  and listened.  i was nearly moved to tears.  was i already reaping the relaxation benefits of yoga?  or, was my mind simply open & receptive to such an intimate look at hate?  i think it was a little bit of both.  and, as i listened, i realized just how consumed i was with hate.  hatred has been building up within me for the last few years.  i know where it stems from.  i know what caused it.  one day, i'll be able to forgive.  one day, i'll be able to let it all go.  i'm slowly learning to release myself from such negative energy. 

one day, i'll find blissful peace.

{source}

craptastic? nah.

more bad news came in the mail this week, but whatever.  shit is hitting the fan just like we knew it would.  we just keep hoping that good will triumph over bad.  and, if anything, i reminisce about the day that karma called the office for my f.i.l. {of all people to have karma actually call...}.  yes, a woman named karma called.  she was trying to collect what was owed.  karma... 

that's not craptastic.  that's fantastic.

but anyways...

• my parents & the kids are here this weekend.  we're busy working around the house today, but tomorrow should be a great day to head to the beach.  the kids are excited to be home; however, they're headed back with my parents on sunday night.  {we are so grateful that my parents help us out every summer with the kids.  not having to pay nearly 2.5 months worth of childcare is wonderful.  but knowing that memories & bonds are continually being formed between the kids & my parents is priceless.}
• i may or may not have picked this book up at target last weekend and skimmed through a few lines chapters.  i didn't buy it, though.  hell, i don't even really watch that housewives crap.

{source}

• on thursday night, we went to see jackass flats.  it's not often the boys play in our area, but when they do we are almost always there.  this was a free show and adam & i had never been to doc taylor's seaside lounge before and it was a great way to end what was a pretty craptastic day.  and, i think this coming tuesday we're going to trek down to the outer banks brewing station to see the boys play again.  **if you like bluegrass or are open to other genres of music, please check them out.  you won't be disappointed.  promise.
• something is going on at work and, if it all works out, it should work out in my favor.  at least i hope so.  i have my fingers crossed.  but {and there's always a but} my boss said that my transition from full-time to part-time kind of threw a wrench in his plan.  but {of course i countered!} i told him that the reason i went part-time is because my current job isn't keeping me busy enough to work full-time, so...   at any rate, i just hope whatever it is keeps me at the office closer to home & maybe comes with a pay raise.
• i won a giveaway!  the lovely summer {whom i'm proud to call a friend!!} picked out the beautiful silhouette print shown below.  soon, this beauty will grace my home.  where should i put it??  in the meantime, please check out summer's blogs:  {B is for...}, House of Dolls, B is also for Baby & Bon Temps Cake Shop

{check out loveliette's etsy shop, please!}

• my blog sale is still very much in the works.  my goal for this weekend is to get a few things photographed & listed.  notice the key word:  goal.  but, definitely bookmark the site or follow it with that google friend thingy, please.

 {you can find shell shells... by clicking here}

• everything has been so craptastic lately that i'm really trying to focus on the good and make myself a more positive person.  i've always been a "glass half-empty" kind of a gal.  i've got to change because i find that i bring myself down at times.  so, if you see me getting sad, kick me in the pants, will ya?
• did i tell you that i'm registered for the fall semester?  well, i am.  i'm taking f-o-u-r classes.  three are at the graduate level.  spring 2012 is my graduation goal.  if it comes sooner, that would be great.
• adam & i have two concerts to look forward to in the next two weeks:

 this guy

{jack johnson}

and these guys

{dave matthews band}

• our veggie garden is doing well.  i'm going to start canning.  i need to also make giant batches of pesto because our italian basil plants are out of control. 

i think it's probably safe to say that craptastic stuff is making way for some fantastic stuff.  at least i hope that is the case.  we're happy-go-lucky people.  we're simple.  we don't deserve to be going through what we're going through, but we'll be alright.  i think.  i hope.  i know.

{source}

my symphony.

{source}

thank you, rachel.

dear Lord, this is a mess...

because it really is.

i received a very sweet email from a dear friend, whitney, yesterday. y'all...she's a doll {and i'm a poet and i didn't even know it}.

i shared with her {and a few others} some of my family's recent struggles & worries. she replied back with words of wisdom. words that i needed to read. encouragement that i needed to get. she directed me here.

it's funny. that particular devotional rings so true with me. i wouldn't be surprised if it did with you all, too.

i am a do-er. i am a thinker. i am a "what if-er." i have a tendency to try and micromanage any & all aspects of my life...even the ones that i cannot control. i have a need to feel in control...even when it's blatantly obvious that i cannot be. so, that devotional really hit home for me.

it hit home because, in my mind, i need peace. i need peace & quiet {i'd like some at home, too, but it's hard when you've got an 8 year old & a 6 year old who can & will argue about darn near everything}. but, there IS no peace...not when i'm worrying. if i could just let go and let the Lord tackle this issue for me, then i would have more time & more energy to cherish other things like my children, my husband, my family. because, seriously y'all, worrying about this {for the lack of a better word} crap is exhausting.

whitney shared a powerful bible verse with me that helps her get by in tough times:

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness...”

2 corinthians 12:9

what's funny is that i have the very same bible verse pinned to my bulletin board here at home. well, it's just a smidgen different {but you know how the different bible versions can be}:

"My strength is made perfect in weakness..."
2 corinthians 12:9

after i read whitney's email, i took a second glance at my bulletin board and, wouldn't you know it, this is what else i saw:

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you."
Psalm 55:22

go figure. all the reassurance i needed was right there all along. but, of course, having the added encouragement from good friends is all the more wonderful. so, i'm going to move forward from here and not let our current strife weigh heavy on my heart {at least i'm going to try really hard not to}. if i had all of the answers or if i could foresee the future, i wouldn't be in this situation...my family wouldn't be in this situation. and, there is no doubt in my mind that the Lord would not give me {or my family} any more than He thought we could handle.

so perhaps there is a reason for all of this. what that reason is...i do not know just yet. i don't want to know just yet. i'll wait for the Lord to show me...to show us. instead, i'll do my best to keep calm & carry on. God has been good to my family thus far...i can't imagine He would fail me now.

like the devotional says, the first four letters of Messiah spell...yep...m-e-s-s {kinda like the word stressed is desserts spelled backwards...okay...so maybe it's not entirely like that but when i'm cramming chocolates down my throat i find comfort in that tidbit}. i'm turning over this mess to the Lord. clearly, i'm not able to make sense of it all. i'm teetering on the verge of angry bitterness and that's certainly not the way to solve this issue.

i truly believe that we will be okay in the end {even though it doesn't seem like it right now}. "all you need is love" is what my husband keeps saying. ha. don't i wish. but, perhaps he's right. so, i'm going to be hopeful. perhaps one day i'll be ready to forgive. but, for now, the only way i'm going to get through this is by letting the Lord handle it {because goodness knows i don't need an ulcer right now, too}.