TRUE LIFE: i'm a {mommy} blogger.

hey there...again.

if you didn't "meet" me during the first link-up, i'm michelle.
you can call me shell.
i'm also called honey, babe, bitch {duh!} & hey woman.

but...
most importantly
i'm known as mom.


ten years ago, my life changed in a very big way.
for that, i'm forever grateful.

i have two spawn children.
the story of how i became a mother for the first time is pretty simple: don't let your birth control run out.
becoming a mother for the second time was hard work.

while stuttering shell isn't necessarily a mommy blog, i do exploit showcase my children from time to time.
after all, any mother of an eight year old & a ten year old {or, any mother in general} -regardless of gender {i have a boy & girl, respectively} - will tell you that there is always something going on...there's always something to blog about.

rather than write a sappy lovely post about my crotch fruit kids, i'll just link you to some of my favorite kid-related posts. i hope your computer doesn't jam up from having a gazillion windows open {apparently, my general blogger intro froze up mrs. wasp's 'puter...whoops!}.

but, before i list some links, how about some pics of the reason why i'm a mommy blogger?
meet my kids:

{san francisco, may 2011}

aidan is eight & entering the third grade.
malia is ten & entering the fifth grade {one year away from middle school...hold me!}.

{i was lazy & didn't put my 'stamp' on this pic...take it & i'll cut you.}

i wish they were still that little.
sometimes.
{gotta love the hand-me-down couch...it's since been replaced...twice.}

all of the cliches about motherhood are true.
your life is forever changed.
your children really are your heart beating outside of your body {or however that saying goes}.
kids really do grow up too fast.

you get the idea.

and, while i might complain about the perils of {impending} puberty, feel like tearing my hair out in frustration {because girls really do mature faster than boys} or want to rock star the television,
i love my children more than anything or anyone in this world {sorry, adam}.

now about those posts...
here are some of my favorite mom/kid-based blog posts that i've cranked out over the years:

an interview with my children
keep out!
i can't believe he turned this in
it figures
get thee to the potty
designer dog
the birds & the bees & the dog?
the witching hour
any more what?!
private property
my little man
the date
my wish
there's no turning back...
bosley
mommy, are you listening?

i'd keep listing blog posts, but then you might get bored.
but i do like to blog about my children's shenanigans.
well, when i remember to. ha!

and, since i'm a mom & it's my job to embarrass my children, i'll leave you with these lovely photos:

{these pics are mine. don't steal.}

are you a mommy blogger?
if so, go link up with mrs. monologues & fabulous but evil.

moms don't get grossed out...or do they?

i've said it before..."i'm a mom. nothing grosses me out anymore."

i mean, i can handle potty talk - of the pee & poo kind, but i can deal with the other kind of potty talk, too.

potty talk while eating? no problem. it's gross, i know, but momma's not gonna let anything come between her & her food.

problems with the pee or poo? no sweat. i've potty-trained two children - one of whom had some serious "elimination issues" - so talk about constipation, diarrhea or suppositories don't make me cringe. wiping butts isn't an issue either...unless you are too damn old to be asking someone to wipe your hiney.

projectile vomit doesn't send me running. i will even investigate to see if something was eaten that shouldn't have been {imagine my son's dismay when just a few weeks ago he was busted - post-vomit - for eating airheads of the blue variety}.

boogers & snot? no worries. i'll pick your nose or wipe it...whatever is needed.

dirty sheets? it doesn't matter the accident {well, maybe it does}, but i'll wash them for you.

high fevers? motrin & a tepid bath it is!

funky rashes, bumps & other skin wickedness? i've got some cream in the cabinet somewhere.

i like to feel that i'm pretty immune to most all of what gets thrown my way now that i'm a semi-experienced mother of two {and by semi-experienced i mean that my kids haven't reach the 'tween/teen years yet...that's a whole 'nother ballgame!}.

however...and this is a big however...

i do get grossed out.

did you notice that i did not mention a single word about blood or loose teeth? yep. you guessed it...

if you're bleeding for any reason other than a paper cut or a minor scrape, please go bother someone else. don't even ask me for a band aid. i can't help you. i won't help you. yeah, yeah, yeah...i birthed two babies. there was blood. but that was my blood, people! i don't want to see your blood.

as for loose teeth, don't wiggle them in front of me even if i did ask you, "is your tooth loose?" and, if they are really wiggly & just hanging by a nerve, please don't come running to show me. you'll be asked kindly to "go find your father." i have even been known to bribe my children to get them away from me with their loose teeth {this almost always seems work against me...i still owe my daughter the dress she wanted from target because i told her that if she would just pull out her loose tooth i would get it}.

needless to say, i guess i'm not as 'tough' as i think i am. but, i suppose being squeamish about two out of the many gross things that come along with having children isn't really bad. is it?

Overworked & Underpaid

As Mother’s Day approaches, I thought it would be fun to discuss the many roles I portray on a daily basis:

• Maid – Cleaning the toilets is the worst part about this gig.
• Short-order Cook – Consider this my two week’s notice because you’re just going to have to go hungry if you don’t like what’s for dinner.
• Waitress – this goes hand-in-hand with that short-order cook thing because it seems like everyone wants to be served and cleaned up after. The least they can do is leave a tip (in the form of cold, hard cash) on the table…but that’s wishful thinking.
• Nurse – whether it’s kissing a boo-boo or wiping a snotty nose or cleaning up vomit, I’m the girl everyone calls. Too bad I can’t write my own prescriptions.
• Psychiatrist – I heart reverse psychology.
• Referee – I am there to mediate and get both parties to calm down and be fair.
• Chauffeur – I need a meter for my dashboard.
• Laundress – it’s important to make sure you have on a clean pair of underwear every day just in case, right?
• Banker – Thank goodness for online banking and bill pay.
• Reporter – because you know Dad gets a full report of all that has gone on whenever he’s not home.
• PR rep – I keep track of any and all functions that take place within or outside of our household (the "Kate Calendar" from Em Tanner Designs was the best $55 I’ve spent in a long time!).
• Fashion Designer – I keep the kids looking hip (the hubs, too)…this is one perk of the gig I enjoy because it means I can go shopping!
• Nutritionist – the goal is to eat healthy, organic food…nevermind that tub of Rocky Road in the freezer. It’s not for you anyway.
• Veterinarian – I hate hairballs!
• Animal Control – Damn those cats and the dead animals they bring home.
• Pest Control – Am I the only one in our house brave enough to kill a spider…with someone else’s shoe?
• Teacher – Show me your homework, now…I am not afraid to use a red pen!

So this is just a sampling of the many roles I morph into at any given point during the day. Being a mother is hard work, so this Mother’s Day be sure to be especially nice to your (tired) mother…give her a hug, tell her thank you, but do NOT ask her to lift a finger. This is the ONE day out of the year that she gets to take a break and YOU get to take on all of these roles just for her.