me, as a parent.

this post has been in the works for a while. and, when i say "in the works," i really mean that the idea has been in my head {and my heart} for quite some time. up until now, i never really knew how i wanted to word things. honestly? i still am not entirely certain if this post will come across the way i want it to, but...what the heck.

going from childless to being a parent was a big change. 

going from parenting one child to parenting two children was a big change.

parenting a boy versus parenting a girl? i'm still trying to figure that out.

in the past, i've been accused of loving & treating my children differently. and, while i might deny ever doing so, deep in my heart i know it's true. to most people, it isn't obvious. but to others - like my mother - the distinction is very blatant & obvious. sometimes, i'm not sure if she tells me this to be mean or if it's her way of keeping me "in check" as a mother.

so, before you throw stones, i'll just come out and say it...yes, i love both of my children dearly, but i love them differently. and, yes, unfortunately, i do sometimes treat them differently, too. here's the kicker - and i know each & every one of us has vowed never to be like this - but i sometimes feel like i am acting the same way my mother did when i was growing up. why? because, honestly, i believe that my mother loved & treated my sister and i differently, too.

i'm biracial. what's race have to do with this? well, ask anyone you know who is of asian descent and ask them about their mother. 'nuff said.  while my dad was the breadwinner, my mother was the one who ruled the roost. and rule she did. i feel like a lot of how she raised me & my sister has rubbed off on how i am raising my own children today. that being said, it's not a bad thing. in fact, i'm very proud to emulate my mother in certain ways {much to the dismay of my husband}. i feel that my mother {both of my parents, in fact} did a damn fine job of raising both me and my sister. but, what does this have to do with my children?

i know, but i don't know. yeah, it doesn't make any sense, does it?

obviously, how i was raised reflects a great deal upon how i choose to raise my own children. therefore, when i seem mean or like i'm coming down on my children a little too hard, it's because that's what i know. this frustrates my husband because my husband was raised by a single mother with a completely different parenting style from what i grew up with {and this subject, my friends, will be blogged about soon...very soon}. my children are not mistreated nor are they abused. they just, by the grace of God, have a {to an extent} controlling, micromanaging mother who is not overly doting or lovey-dovey {because i was not raised by a mother like that}. i realize that a lot of my issues, if you even want to call them that, are of my own doing. it's how i've always been. it's who i am. and, because of this, i know that God has a sense of humor. why? because he blessed me with a child who is exactly like me.

{sidenote: last spring i read amy chua's battle hymn of the tiger mother for a child & family class i was enrolled in. let me just say that i could relate to a lot of what the book covered. a lot.}

my oldest is ten years old. malia & i have the same chinese astrological sign {we are both snakes}. take one look at her and you'll quickly agree that she is my mini-me. and, we are very much alike in terms of looks and, unfortunately, personality & temperament. to an outsider looking in, it would seem as if i am detached from my daughter...that i don't love her and that i criticize her entirely too much. i'm not & i don't. she & i have a special relationship that, in all honesty, only she & i understand. i am amazed by her abilities. she is creative, smart & gifted beyond her years. she's a lot like me when i was her age...and then some.

my youngest is eight years old. aidan was one week overdue and i hope his entrance into my world is not an indicator of any future plans of never leaving home. boys were a new territory for me. but, looking back on his infancy & toddlerhood, it was a very pleasant, very loving experience. both of my children were phenomenal babies & toddlers, but aidan was different. jovial, cheerful, and easy going {except when he was potty training}. aidan is so much easier to deal with than malia. sure, he might whine, but i'll deal with whining any day over sass & a smart mouth. i'm sure their age difference has something to do with it all, too.

but, there really is a difference between boys & girls, especially if you're raising both.

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i love both of my children very much. but, i love them each in their own special way. yes, i do treat them differently, but not in a double-standard kind of way. my children are encouraged to strive beyond their potential. they make me very proud not just as a mother, but as a person, too. i cannot imagine my life without them {even though i do daydream about being single & childless sometimes} and i would not change either of them for the world.

back to reality.

tonight, we become parents again.

well, i suppose we never stopped being parents. we've just been kid-free since the evening of june 19th. for the last {nearly} two weeks, our kiddos have been traveling in the northeast with my parents. 

the kids challenged my parents to games on the wii.

the kids helped my sister move {from fenway to jamaica plain}.

the kids attended a lacrosse game {my brother-in-law, james, is an awesome lax coach}.

the kids got to hang with their {2nd, my 1st} cousins, pat & mei.

the kids were spoiled by their auntie monica.

the kids got to see my mom's auntie...in toronto, canada.

the kids viewed the beauty & the exhilaration of standing near niagara falls.

i'm certain the kids have also whined, complained, cried & driven my parents crazy.

but, i'm certainly glad that my parents are able to spend time like this with their grandkids. and, i'm especially glad that my kids love going & making these memories with their grandparents.  

going kid-free is not an uncommon occurrence in our home. my kids are always with my parents. last summer {and the summer before that and the summer before that...you get the picture}, they were with my parents for a good portion of the summer.  this summer is different.  i'm not working.  i'm not in summer school. 

and, while i love how quiet & clean the house has been, i miss my kids. i can't wait to have them home. it's been too quiet & i do believe that my sanity feeds off of the dramatic chaos that seems to come along with a ten year old & an eight year old.

of course, ask me again next week, when i'm sure i'll be sick of the arguing, the pre-tween angst & the mess.

 {aidan & malia being goofy in an exhibit at aquarium of the bay, san francisco, may 2011} 

there's a baby in there?

a quick stop into target influenced my desire to write this post. at first, i wanted to write about how important i think it is to give people some s-p-a-c-e at the checkout counter. i mean, i don't want some joe schmoe all up in my bidnass while i'm paying for my purchase, ya know? just because i'm not standing rightnextto the person in front of me does NOT mean that you need to stand rightnextto me. no way, jose.

however, as i observed the woman in line behind me who was standing rightnextto me, i noticed something. buried underneath her bounty of tank tops, swim suit coverups, face wash & other target finds was a baby. a baby in one of those infant carrier/carseat combos.

oh, my word.

so, seeing as how i am an expert {a.k.a. know-it-all} experienced in the art of shopping with children i figured i would share some of my knowledge with y'all. besides, a lot of my friends are parents or are having children & this will probably cause some giggles & laughter with the parenting set.

first & foremost, if you are fortunate enough to shop alone, please do. do not pass up the opportunity to hand the kids off to someone while you run out for 15 minutes or for a couple of hours. who cares if you're just going to the grocery store or the corner mart?! trust me, shopping alone is so much easier & so much more enjoyable once if you have children. i mean, have you ever had to calm a screaming toddler while wrestling to get out of a super cute dress you found on the rack that is obviously three sizes too small for your post-baby body? yeah. i rest my case.

but, if you can't shop alone, take my advice*:

• if you can, enlist a 'helper.' it could be your hubby, your bff, your momma...whoever. like the saying goes, two heads are better than one.
• if you DO have a 'helper' with you, use two carts {that way you don't have to bury your child underneath layers of your new wardrobe, housewares & other miscellaneous crap}.
• if you are shopping sans helper & with children in tow, learn to use every bit of your shopping cart wisely. if that means hanging stuff on the handle or over the side, please do. or, if you do find yourself needed to put things in the cart, please be strategic about it. but, don't be ashamed. it's okay if your purchases are nearly falling out of the cart or hanging over the sides haphazardly. back in the day, i was THAT GIRL who needed a "wide load" sign as i was coming down the aisle {and it was not because my ass had not returned to it's pre-pregnancy size}.
• if you are not using a shopping cart, i hope you have a stroller. use it. even if it's to dash into the store. sure, it might take more time to wrestle that thing out of the trunk than it would to just zip in an buy milk, bread and eggs, but your sanity will thank you later.
  
• keep your kids corralled - in a cart, in a stroller, in a sling/carrier {but not on a leash...i have nothing nice to say about those kid leashes}. it's not fun having to chase after your child in a crowded store or a busy parking lot.
• stock up your purse - there is a reason why use women-folk have ridiculously ginormous handbags, fill 'em up with goodies that will keep your kid or kiddos happy, satisfied & occupied while you shop! to this day, you can still find candy, gum or a transformer in my purse {my youngest child is 6}. really.
  
• if you're not stocked up, there is no shame in taking a box of crackers or gummy snacks off the shelf & opening them. just remember to pay for them. the cashier will not look at you like you're crazy. trust me. i've also done this with tissues when little snotty noses need wiping and i have no tissue or extra mcd's napkins in my purse.
• if you feel silly about the whole "grab & open" thing, just make sure your cell phone is locked & you have insurance for the sucker. more often than not, my cell phone has provided hours {okay, minutes} of entertainment for my children.
• if you are with a baby or toddler who is stroller-bound, you will suddenly find just how much that sucker can carry...even those umbrella strollers. and, if your baby isn't in the stroller or even if your baby isn't with you, do not be afraid to use the stroller as your very own personal shopping cart. i have.
  
• definitely invest in a seat cover for shopping carts {they are also great for restaurant highchairs, too!}. they are a life-saver because you're protecting your kid from the icky unknown of the many hands {or butts} that have blessed that shopping cart. and, if you find yourself shopping with a drowsy child, the seat cover at least provides *some* comfort for a little head.
• it is okay to leave a store in a huff. go ahead & grab the screaming child by the wrist or power walk that stroller right out of wherever you are. after a while, you learn to ignore the points, whispers & stares. it's okay to leave a shopping cart full of groceries, too. i've done both. you can always come back later...preferably, alone.
• if you find yourself in a situation where your kid or kids are screaming and you are simply unable to let go of that pretty blouse that finally went on sale, don't fret. it becomes easy to ignore a screaming child, too. {this is usually the case after child #2, 3 or 19 {in the dugg@rs' case} comes along.} and, as for the points, whispers & stares, just take the blouse that's on sale & the screaming child and go stand rightnextto them.
• if you have an infant/young toddler, use a baby carrier. i had a baby bjorn that i used all. the. time. with aidan. i am not ashamed to admit that he went to the bathroom with me more than once while strapped to my chest. we also took many laps around the mall together that way. of course, just make sure that if you have the baby facing out that you pay attention to what he looks like {imagine my horror when i sat down to take him out of the carrier only to find that he had spit up all over himself, the front of the carrier and onto my pants...not cool}.

did i forget anything? i am sure i have. i mean, that whole sleep-deprived, pregnancy brain thing seems to stick with you well after your babies are born & semi-raised. and, as for my advice, well, i still heed it. my children are now 9 & 6 years old; however, i still find myself in a bind from time to time {a.k.a. temper tantrums are never fun}.

mommas out there - what else would you add to the list??

{the reason i am experienced - malia & aidan, june 2003}

*remember, these are just my opinions. not words to live by. this is all in fun & not meant to be offensive in any way.

moms don't get grossed out...or do they?

i've said it before..."i'm a mom. nothing grosses me out anymore."

i mean, i can handle potty talk - of the pee & poo kind, but i can deal with the other kind of potty talk, too.

potty talk while eating? no problem. it's gross, i know, but momma's not gonna let anything come between her & her food.

problems with the pee or poo? no sweat. i've potty-trained two children - one of whom had some serious "elimination issues" - so talk about constipation, diarrhea or suppositories don't make me cringe. wiping butts isn't an issue either...unless you are too damn old to be asking someone to wipe your hiney.

projectile vomit doesn't send me running. i will even investigate to see if something was eaten that shouldn't have been {imagine my son's dismay when just a few weeks ago he was busted - post-vomit - for eating airheads of the blue variety}.

boogers & snot? no worries. i'll pick your nose or wipe it...whatever is needed.

dirty sheets? it doesn't matter the accident {well, maybe it does}, but i'll wash them for you.

high fevers? motrin & a tepid bath it is!

funky rashes, bumps & other skin wickedness? i've got some cream in the cabinet somewhere.

i like to feel that i'm pretty immune to most all of what gets thrown my way now that i'm a semi-experienced mother of two {and by semi-experienced i mean that my kids haven't reach the 'tween/teen years yet...that's a whole 'nother ballgame!}.

however...and this is a big however...

i do get grossed out.

did you notice that i did not mention a single word about blood or loose teeth? yep. you guessed it...

if you're bleeding for any reason other than a paper cut or a minor scrape, please go bother someone else. don't even ask me for a band aid. i can't help you. i won't help you. yeah, yeah, yeah...i birthed two babies. there was blood. but that was my blood, people! i don't want to see your blood.

as for loose teeth, don't wiggle them in front of me even if i did ask you, "is your tooth loose?" and, if they are really wiggly & just hanging by a nerve, please don't come running to show me. you'll be asked kindly to "go find your father." i have even been known to bribe my children to get them away from me with their loose teeth {this almost always seems work against me...i still owe my daughter the dress she wanted from target because i told her that if she would just pull out her loose tooth i would get it}.

needless to say, i guess i'm not as 'tough' as i think i am. but, i suppose being squeamish about two out of the many gross things that come along with having children isn't really bad. is it?

A princess turns 8 today!

In May 2000, I graduated from college and had landed my first "real" job with a county government office in a locality not too far from home. I loved my job and I was very excited to start my "adult life." However, in June of that same year, I found out that I was pregnant. I was 22 years old, unmarried (although Adam & I had been together, at that time, for nearly 6 years) and very much determined to make the best of the unexpected gift that was given to me.

Fast forward to March 12, 2001 -- the day I gave birth to our daughter, Malia. It was on that day that I truly learned what love was. She and I had formed a bond the moment I found out I was pregnant with her, but that bond took on a new strength & meaning when she entered into this world. Adam and I were truly blessed to have such a wonderful little girl brought into our lives.

Malia is my heart & soul. She is the exact spitting image of me -- looks, sass, wit, attitude, smarts (*wink, wink*) -- and my life has become all the better because she is my daughter. Adam and I love her so very much. She's our girl...our sometimes goofy, a little bit spoiled, very smart & sassy girl. Malia is such a wonderful big sister to her brother, Aidan, and she is - without a doubt - the best granddaughter our parents could have asked for. She is truly a special little girl and she is loved more than she'll ever know.

Happy 8th birthday, sweet girl!

This was about a month before Malia was born -- I ate many blueberry pancakes when I was pregnant with her...how funny is it that Malia absolutely despises blueberries?!

At only 5 days old she already had an inquisitive look about her...

Drama, drama, drama...who knew her very first birthday cake would have an effect like this? Maybe it's because she never liked being a messy baby...this picture just screams, "No, Mom...don't take any pictures of me like this!"

Not even 2 years old and playing in the snow (a very rare event for Virginia Beach) -- and already looking stylish with her fleece-cuffed jeans and hot pink puffer jacket.

Always a ham for the camera...she got that from Mommy!

Oh, how I miss that bald head of Malia's...it took nearly two years for her hair to start coming in.

The proud big sister -- exactly 27 months older than her brother -- and look at those curls! She did so well transitioning from being the only child to becoming the big sis (and to this day her brother hardly ever calls her by her name...to him, she's always been "sis").

Malia was never far from her "yellow blankie." And, even with us reeling in the clean up & after effects from Hurricane Isabel, Malia was prepared for anything -- blanket in one hand, a dress in the other, and a clean pair of "unnawears" on her head.

Three years old and so much fun!

Four years old and such a big girl!

Ah, the family that coordinates...we were a hit at that wedding! And, Malia was the life of the party.

Five years old and, yes, Mummy does love her!

Six years old and ready for the first grade! It still amazes me that she's no longer the sassy bald headed baby who was saying, "Wassat? (what's that)" at 6 months old and walking at 9 months old. Where has the time gone?

Seven years old and so pretty in pink!

Malia -- my "mini me"

Malia - this morning - it is school picture day & her birthday...what a day! She's so sweet, stylish & smart. She's growing up too fast for my liking (but don't all kids do that?!), but she's my love & I am so proud of the wonderful young girl she's become.

Big Pimpin'

As you all know, I heart all things Momlogic. And, after chatting with a super cool gal named Jenny who works for Momlogic, I think they kinda heart me, too! :)

Anyway...I just wanted to share with you all one of their latest and greatest groups and want all of my fellow Virginia parents out there to consider this an open invitation to join the Virginia Momlogic group:

http://community.momlogic.com/group/virginiamomlogic

Got coffee?

OK all of you coffee-aholics out there, you know you cannot pass up the opportunity to...

WIN A KEURIG!

(you know you want one!)

Want to know how? It's really simple:

• First, head on over to MomLogic and join the MomLogic Coffee Club group (it costs absolutely nada to join MomLogic...free, free, free!)


• Next, check out the Coffee Club's featured blog post for Thursday 2/26, Somebody Call The Plumber!, written by yours truly and show me the love...you know, leave me a comment


• Then, show me even more love by leaving a comment on my profile page at MomLogic(remember to use the same name on my blog & on my profile page at MomLogic...that way they can keep the entries straight!)

Could it be any easier than that? No! So, whaddya say? Read my blog entry, comment me on my blog & show me some love over at MomLogic and get entered to win quite possibly the coolest coffee maker ever?! Yeah...you gotta do it!

And, definitely consider hanging around MomLogic, too, to mingle and get to know the other moms (and dads, too) that hang out there. You won't be disappointed!

I'll take one vacation...hold the kids, please!

Adam and I go on vacation together every year. It's only one week out of the year, but it's OUR week. The week belongs to no one else. It's a time for the two of us to reconnect and rekindle our romance. We get to relax, enjoy each other's company and forget about the stress that comes with working, owning a home, being a parent, etc. We truly enjoy getting away -- just the two of us -- and we both feel that it does wonders for our relationship and our marriage.

Do I feel guilty for leaving the kids to take a week's vacation with my husband? No.

Should I feel guilty for leaving the kids to take a week's vacation with my husband? No.

I love my children, but I also love having that time for myself and the hubby. Trust me, if you work for your husband (as I do) you need all the reconnecting and rekindling you can get!

Thanks, Becca!

I have a new bloggy-blog-blog that I adore and I owe it all to my friend, Becca, for having her friend, Tricia's, blog linked to her blog (are you following me??).

If you are a mom, you will love Tricia's blog. Even if you aren't a mom, you'll love it just the same:
http://mattmorgan.typepad.com/reston_mom/

Just click on the link...you know you wanna. ;)

V-Day Cookies

The kids bought me a double heart-shaped cookie cutter from Crate & Barrel while they were at my parents house over winter break and last night we made sugar cookies and the kids decorated them.

Malia's cookie:

Malia's finished decorating & Aidan's getting a little "heavy handed" with the sugar sprinkles:

Aidan's cookie (he wrote "i heart u" on it):

Enjoying the finished product!

What to do?

The school board voted to end the year-round school option effective immediately at the end of this school year. My children attend one of the four elementary schools in Virginia Beach that operate on a year-round calendar, Corporate Landing Elementary. It is our daughter's third year at the school (she's been there since Kindergarten) and it's our son's first year there (he's only in Kindergarten). Our neighborhood is technically zoned for a different elementary school; however, we had the choice of "opting out" of our zoned school (which operates on a traditional calendar) for CLES since the year-round school was "super zoned" for our area.

We love the year-round calendar. Love it, love it, love it! I wouldn't change it for anything. But, budget cuts and all that jazz are forcing the program to come to an end. It's kind of sad to think about, really, but what weighs most on my mind is what happens now? Fortunately, the principal sent home a letter on Friday addressing a lot of my questions and concerns. My biggest concern was whether or not our children would be able to stay at CLES -- and the answer is NO. Not without a zone waiver approved by the principal of the school. Basically, this coming September, they would both be back at Ocean Lakes Elementary -- the school our neighborhood is truly zoned for.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking OLES, but I just don't like the idea of my kids switching schools. Maybe it's the change. Maybe it's the fact that we just love CLES. Maybe it's because the kids are already a bit upset about the prospect of changing schools....the way they look at it is that we're not moving so why do they have to move to a different school?? I know without a doubt that my children will thrive at OLES and they will receive the same superior education that they are receiving now. I am a bit biased in that respect only because I am a product of the Virginia Beach City Public School system having lived here since 1986 (I was in the 4th grade when we moved here).

Bottom line is this -- Adam and I have a lot of decisions to make. This isn't about pros & cons, but what works for our family and what would be best for the children. I'm sad that my son might not have the opportunity to have the same first grade teacher as Malia and I'm sad that Malia might not have a chance to be in a friend's third grade classroom (she's a teacher at CLES). But, I do know that they would be in good hands at OLES -- a close family friend is the guidance counselor at OLES.

Adam and I need to decide whether or not we want to pursue an attendance zone waiver to keep the kids at CLES -- then all transportation becomes our responsibility (no sweat, we would only need to drive them to school). Or, do we just want to go with the flow and keep things simple by sending them to OLES. Some of their friends might be there (there are a lot of children from our neighborhood & surrounding areas who are zoned for OLES but opted out to go to CLES). The only major change despite being at a different school would be the fact that school would start a half an hour earlier than what they are currently used to. (The way I see it is that it's a blessing in disguise and I would actually be a half an hour earlier to work...) The only issue with OLES is whether or not Parks & Recreation offers an after-school program at the school like Malia currently attends at CLES -- if not, then this raises even more issues for US as a family due to childcare issues.

So, as you can see, there is a lot to think about. A lot. And, I want to have a decision soon.

http://www.corporatelandinges.vbschools.com/Fact%20Sheet-Possible%20Changes%20to%20the%20Year-Round%20School%20Program_.pdf

http://hamptonroads.com/2009/02/major-cuts-proposed-va-beach-school-programs

http://hamptonroads.com/2009/02/end-beachs-yearround-schedule-may-affect-800

Things you don't say to a parent...EVER.

1. You should never tell a parent how to parent. I don't care how many kids you have, what kind of experience you have, how many kids you used to babysit, what kind of books you read, etc. Don't tell me how to be a parent. (Granted, there ARE exceptions to this rule, but - generally speaking - if you are a relatively good parent then you don't need anyone telling you how to be a parent...ya dig?)
2. You should never ask a parent if their child is ADD/ADHD just because they are "bouncing off the walls." You can either leave, ignore the behavior or just get over it.
3. It's not nice to accuse a parent of being "unfit" when the only reason the parent is unfit is because he or she just doesn't exercise. :)
4. Don't ever, ever, ever tell a parent that their child resembles a murdered child you saw on the news. I mean, really, how insensitive can you get?
   
5. When congratulating a new mother (or a new father for that matter), don't immediately question her age (or his age) and her motives (or his motives) for having a child. Seriously, people, your sincerity factor goes right out the window.
   
6. Never say 'well back when you were a kid we did it this way'. Yeah-back in the you also used lead paint and gave kids aspirin...
   
7. Never ever say 'my kids would never do such a thing.' Chances are MY kids learned it from YOUR kids.
   
8. Never say 'are you going to let your kid get away with that?' Yep sure am.

Ugh. I'm stuck at 5 things...I know there is more. I just can't think clearly today. I've had this list generated for quite some time, too.
Just for the record, these are things that have either been said to me, I've had to deal with or things I've just heard in general. People are flat out mean sometimes.
UPDATED!! Items 6, 7, and 8 have been added courtesy of my friend, Rebecca. :)