the state of {my marital} union.

i made a comment on twitter this morning about how i told my husband i wanted a divorce for our ten year anniversary.

it's a joke, people.

and, i know some of you out there are wondering how the hell i can even joke about something like marriage {or divorce}. well, considering i've been with the same man for nearly 18 years...

i can.

i'm entitled to feel the way that i do when my husband does something to piss me off or says something that will cause me to fly off the handle. he's not perfect. neither am i. but, are we perfect for one another? without a doubt.

i've said before that marriage is not easy. we've fallen apart more than once. we have our good moments. but, we have our share of bad moments, too. our relationship has evolved in many ways over the years. in a sense, we've grown up together. we met when we were 13. we started dating at 16. the rest, as they say, is history.

my husband was raised in a broken home. i was not. my parents are on the verge of their 40th wedding anniversary. but, even they haven't had a perfect marriage. i'm not ashamed to admit that my marriage is not perfect. we are certainly loyal to one another, but we argue, cuss & fight. throw stress into the mix and watch out. i'm nothing even close to the ideal wife. i'll admit it...i'm mean. i have demands & expectations. my husband does, too.

unfortunately, i don't have a filter and have no problem letting the world know when i am angry with my other half. i just don't see the point in sugar coating things. i mean, what's the point in that? in many ways, the institution of marriage has become a joke. people assume you're in for many years of blissful happiness and that things will be lovey-dovey and perfect. wrong. marriage takes a lot of work. even the happiest of married couples will admit to tough times if you ask them.

some of you will never understand the dynamics of my relationship with my husband. what seems like dysfunction to some looks like a well-oiled machine to others. i'm not making excuses for my marriage. i'm telling you like it is.

those vows i spoke on february 23, 2002? i meant every word. 

my kind of perfect.

{via pinterest}

i don't believe in a fairy tale kind of love story. 

call me jaded. call me cold-hearted. call me whatever. 

i just don't believe in it. 

maybe it's because i've never experienced the kind of love that seems too good to be true. 

or, maybe it's because my version of perfect love is slightly skewed from everyone elses.

but i do know one thing.

this quote? 

it describes my husband perfectly. it describes me perfectly.

it describes us perfectly.

eight is not enough.

I can see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life.

When you're with me, baby, the skies will be blue
For all my life.

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
The only for for me is you
And you for me

So happy together...

{from "Happy Together" by The Turtles}

---

although adam & i have been together for sixteen years, today we are celebrating our eighth wedding anniversary.

our love story isn't your typical one. we've overcome some odds. we've triumphed together. it hasn't always been blissful nor has it ever been excruciatingly difficult. we've fought. we've loved. we've laughed. we've cried.

for better or for worse...just like we promised in our wedding vows.

he is my guy. i am his girl.

and, we are, so happy together.

happy anniversary, adam...i l♥ve you dearly.

So happy together...

do what?!

while waiting for the school holiday program to start last night, i sat next to the hubs and watched him fiddle with his new work phone. he was trying to show me a couple features of the phone when...

the lady sitting to my left elbowed me in the ribs {really, she did}.

"is he texting his mistress?"

um, i'm sorry...come again?

"sorry, it was a joke."

oh, {through a fake smile} ha ha ha ha ha ha. so you DID crack some stupid tiger w*ods joke. i'm very sorry if i forgot to laugh.

{i found the picture here and i cropped it and added the 'x.'}

"you know, because he's messing with his phone. looked like he was texting & i noticed you watching him."

um, no, nosey lady, my husband was not texting his mistress. he has neither time nor money for a mistress. besides, this is a man who can barely type on a computer keyboard {sorry, honey}...could you imagine how long it would take for him to text? yikes. he was just messing around on his phone...he's a little technologically inept sometimes {again, sorry, honey} when it comes to new cell phones. and, for the record, he doesn't golf. not very well, at least.

besides, i'm fairly certain NO woman out there wants a broke man who has no time...has kids...and has a bitchy wife {even if he does cook well}.

INTERROGATION - You asked, now I'm answering (Part 5)

It's been a while since I last answered one of your questions.

Let's continue, shall we?

Brittany Ann asked:

How did you decide you wanted kids? And two at that? Do you want more? (Sorry, I totally have babies on the brain, so of course my question looks like this:)

---

The hubs & I started our family a little bit backwards. OK, a lot backwards.

We had a child, got married & then had another child.

That's basically the short version of a very long story. The hubs & I had been dating just over seven years when we found out {a month after I graduated from college} that we were pregnant. I gave birth to our daughter, Malia, just three days before the hubs turned 23. We got married just a few weeks before our daughter's first birthday & I became pregnant with our son {after some trying & a miscarriage} about six months after we were married. Looking back, I couldn't picture things happening any other way. Our daughter was quite a surprise, but such a blessing, too. Both of my babies were {and still are} blessings.

Do I {or WE} want more children? Sometimes I find myself longing for a baby or missing the feeling of being pregnant {yes, even though I gained between 60-70 lbs. with both children I actually enjoyed being pregnant}. But, once I hear my two - who are 6 & 8 - fighting over something I quickly snap out of it. ;-) I have a cousin who is currently pregnant with her fourth, and last, child. She & her husband call him the "bonus" baby and kept telling us over the weekend that it's time for the hubs & I to have our "bonus" baby. Um...no thanks.

Looks like we made it!

Seven years ago, I married my husband (after eight years of dating and one child it was finally time to get hitched!)...happy anniversary to us!

Sorry...it's a scanned image!

Us on Valentine's Day 2009

I have decided...

That I am buying myself a new dress for the formal we are attending on Saturday. I think.

In all honesty, I really DON'T need a new dress -- I have two perfectly good (black) dresses here at the house that I can wear. All I need to do is have both dresses dry cleaned. The dress I really, really, REALLY wanted to wear I've worn only once. Back in 2002. Even back then I had to have the dress altered in order to fit my body (I guess I gotta thank years of competitive swimming for my semi-broad shoulders and expanded rib cage??).

I tried on the dress tonight. I knew what the outcome would be. I mean, the last time I needed a formal dress I tried it on and it the fit was no bueno. The dress needs to be altered AGAIN in the same place it was altered the one and only time it was worn! It's also in bad need of cleaning. Had I planned a bit more efficiently -- wait, I only found out about this formal last week -- then maybe the dress would have worked. Of course, it's still quite the possibility if I can find a combo tailor/dry cleaner who would make the dress work for me. Hmmm...it WOULD be nice to wear it again. It's so damn pretty. Hmmm...

Well, maybe instead of buying a new dress I'll just see what can be done about this one. I just hope that whomever can do the rush job can take out the freakin' chocolate stains on the back of it. Yes, chocolate. That's what I get for asking my somewhat ding-dong of a husband to help me zip up the dress. I mean, really, what are you thinking? You're going to eat a chocolate covered pretzel WHILE you zip up my black and WHITE dress?? Yikes.

Oh, gee...now that I've typed that my indecisive mind has once again toggled back and forth from buy new to redo to buy new again. Maybe it's in my best interest to just buy a new dress. *sigh*

Gosh, I was skinny back then (about 20 pounds lighter than I am now...seriously) and so tan. But I lurves that dress! *sniffle*

Jon & Kate...fake?

I'll admit it...I watch Jon & Kate Plus 8. I've skimmed through their website. I own the Kate calendar (Em Tanner Designs rocks!). I guess you could say that I'm hooked on their show. I'm a curious person by nature (aren't we all?) and I'm not ashamed to admit that I do enjoy the voyeuristic look into their day-to-day lives. However, now that the show has been on for a few seasons, the kids are older and the family has sky rocketed into quasi-rockstar status, I'm just not so sure about it all anymore.

I don't remember what made me Google the Gosselins. Oh, wait. I do. It was a link from their book's page over at Amazon.com that piqued my interest:
http://www.amazon.com/Multiple-Blessings-Surviving-Thriving-Sextuplets/dp/0310289025

If you scroll down to the customer discussion section there is a forum-like area where, I guess, people can discuss the book, the television show, etc. From there, I came across some information about a few blogs that are out in cyberspace and I checked out a few:

• http://kateisashrew.blogspot.com/
• http://truthbreedshatred.blogspot.com/
• http://gosselinswithoutpity.blogspot.com/

There are numerous articles out there, too, and I found this one to be most interesting:
Jon & Kate Plus 8 Vs. Aunt Jody - a Family Member Finally Speaks Up

I don't know what to think now. Well, I do. But, I don't at the same time. The television show is like a train wreck -- you just keep watching...over and over again. Heck, my DVR records the show (first-runs only...ha ha ha) every Monday night at 9pm. Part of the reason I like watching it is because, like it or not, the TV show does portray certain traits that I feel that most all families can relate to...the house isn't always clean, there is chaos, siblings fight, mom & dad bicker, husband & wife disagreements, inconsistencies between parenting styles, discipline issues, etc. And, while I think that Kate can be overbearing and quite neurotic at times, I do see some of myself in her because -- scary to think -- perhaps she and I share some similar personality traits. Of course, I do see some of my husband in Jon, too. I guess what I'm saying is that I can understand and relate to certain aspects of the show and that's why I like to watch. It makes me feel as if I'm not alone in how I feel as a wife & mother -- when in all actuality, I know I'm not.

But, on the flip side, I'll admit -- I'm always catching myself thinking:

"Wow, it must be really nice to outfit all eight children in nothing but Gap or Gymboree clothing."
or
"Hmm, if THEY can go to and afford Disney then we can, too."
or
"Holy moly, they just spent HOW MUCH on certified organic meat?"
or
"Gee...tummy tuck, hair plugs, ski trip, vow renewal in Hawaii, Oprah, magazine covers, NYC trips, Disney, OBX vacay......."

A twinge of jealousy? Perhaps. I think it's human nature to be even slightly jealous. However, I also know that there's no way in hell they would STILL be doing a show for TLC if they weren't getting paid! That's right, $$$. We're talking benjamins, grips, G's -- cold, hard cash. Must be nice. All good things come to an end, though, or at least that's how the saying goes. So, when is the end? When will it all be enough? As much as I love the show, it's getting to be, in my opinion, too much.

Last night, I caught up on the last few episodes. I don't know if it's because my opinon has been swayed slightly from reading the other blogs online, but it's like I don't give a damn anymore. It's not about being jealous, it's not about envy (because like Jack Johnson sings, "we've got everything we need right here and everything we need is enough.")...I just think that enough is enough already. While I don't find the family to truly be "fake", I do think that it's time to let the kids grow up be "normal" kids. The six little ones don't even know what it's like to live day to day without a camera in their face...am I wrong or am I right? It's time to stop exploiting their young lives to fulfill a lifestyle that many of us can only dream about. The show isn't about parenting or the journey from two kids to eight kids anymore. It's about greed, wealth and lifestyle changes...changes that aren't necessarily all for the good.

Kitchen pics!

I know...finally. Some more kitchen pictures. Hooray!


Installing the glass mosaic tile...the kind of tile we used were face-mounted tiles, I believe it's what they are called. They were single tiles "glued" to a paper front and once the tiles were pressed into the thin-set mortar you moistened the paper to reveal a 1' x 1' square of mosaic tiles. Adam said it was a pain in the you-know-where. The first wall he did (shown above) gave him the most grief...he cursed out that wall many times that night. It was quite entertaining if I do say so myself. Ha ha ha.



The finished product a day after Adam grouted the tile backsplash. He was so thrilled with how well it turned out. I really like the color of the glass mosaic tile...it matches with the walls in our kitchen beautifully. (I know, I know...the Gizmo can opener has GOT to go, but Adam won't part with the freakin' thing!)



A closer look at the tile. Yes, our family likes carbs...it is one of our most favorite food groups! :)



It's not professionally done -- my husband is a bricklayer by trade people, not a tile installer -- but it still is wonderful nonetheless. I'm so happy!

A view of the backsplash by the stove/micro...I love how the tile sparkles in the new under-the-cabinet lighting Adam installed yesterday. That portion of the kitchen was easy for him to wire. He's installing the remainder of the lighting under the other half of the cabinets tonight....I just heard him call something in the kitchen a "bastard." Something in the installation must not be going as he wanted...

For more kitchen pictures, check out this link: http://stutteringshell.blogspot.com/2009/01/heres-what-i-owe-youwell-sorta.html

All in all, what started out as a garbage disposal gone bad has turned into a really wonderful project. We spent some money we didn't want to spend, but I think the value of what we've done with our kitchen full outweighs the *whispering* credit card bill. Ssssh...spare me the lecture. Besides, it's 6 months no interest...how could you NOT go for it! :)

Honey, I just found out...

I don't know about you, but those are famous last words in our household. It doesn't matter who says it, Adam and I both know that when those five words are spoken the news following is either going to be absolutely wonderful or really, really crappy. I guess in this case the news is wonderful for Adam and semi-crappy for me.

Adam found out today that he's fishing in the Mid-Atlantic Rockfish Shootout this weekend. Adam and I would both like to take this opportunity to thank his father for NOT telling Adam that he was entered into a fishing tournament. Adam only found out because the girl handling the registration and such called him today to confirm. Well, golly gee...I guess I know what is NOT going to happen this weekend...yep, that's right...the kitchen won't get finished.

Of course, Adam says to me today that the kitchen would not have gotten finished this weekend even if he wasn't fishing. Here I was thinking Rockfish season was over and done with...well, that was fishing in the bay and not the freakin' ocean.

Ah, well...I suppose the good news is that Adam is fishing on Friday which means that he'll be able to work on the kitchen Saturday. BUT, knowing my dear, sweet husband there will be some other fishing related excuse come Saturday. This is why, my friends, I find this news to be semi-crappy.

The whirlwind wedding weekend is over!

Whew...try saying whirlwind wedding weekend three times fast...I had issues just typing it!

Things turned out for the good...the weather cleared and up we saw the sun, the ceremony was short & sweet, the food at the reception was good, drinks were a-flowin' and my hair didn't loose it's oomph! Yay!