Blah...

Today is just one of those days. A bad day. A horrible, no good, very bad day. Yep, just like the book.

I don't want to say why. It's just bad. So bad that I am actually shaking and sick to my stomach.

Yeah, not good.

Profitteroli

I'm going to feel like a profitteroli after eating three of them. Three scrumptious profitteroli are waiting for me to devour them. Not all at once. One now. Maybe one later as a mid-afternoon snack and certainly the third one for dessert tonight.

Damn those little pastries!

It doesn't feel like the start of summer vacation...

Malia on the first day of school, July 2006

Today is the last day of school for my daughter, Malia.

It's cloudy & cool outside. It feels more like a blustery fall day rather than the first day of summer vacation.

In two hours she'll be home. Home for the next month and a half (school starts up again at the very end of July -- I love year-round schools!). That's all. Then she will be in first grade and, before you know it, summer vacation will be here all over again.

What are we going to do for the next month & a half? I don't know.

I was totally buggin'!

Yesterday I was just wound up with stress, tension & anger. As the day wore on, my mood did not get any better. I needed time to myself so I could just let go -- I needed to relax.

Much to my surprise, Clueless was on television last night. Well, it was on one of the HBO channels. It was exactly what I needed. Two hours of uninterrupted television. Two hours of watching one of my favorite movies. Two hours of being able to sit on the couch and actually have a laugh. My psyche needed it desperately!

So, I'm sure the burning question is WHY I even consider Clueless to be one of my favorite movies. I don't know. I just like it. Do I need a reason? Hell, after last night, I like the movie even more because it got me out of my "pissed off at the world" funk.

So much to say...

I'm actually glad I found this website and started blogging (no matter how senseless or trivial some of my blogs seem).

Obviously I have a lot on my mind today. A lot of R-A-N-D-O-M things. Tons!

Where do I start??

1. Dale, Jr. announced today that he will be racing for Hendrick Motorsports in '08 -- WOW, it's not much of a surprise. I think I'm just taken aback that he's going to be on a team with Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson...both are great drivers...but as diehard Earnhardt fans it's news that has been hard to process.
2. Potty training -- it's not a fun job. Aidan's been doing well, however, but he's still not interested in using the toilet if he has to go #2. Ah, well...at least he wears his "big boy" underpants now.
3. Shopping around for pre-schools -- it's always fun playing phone tag with people and I've been playing phone tag with a few different pre-schools that I am considering for Aidan.
4. The new company -- like I said in an earlier post, it's just driving me up the wall
5. The never-ending mountain (not pile) of laundry -- I'm thrilled that Adam gave me a laundry room because now I can shut the door and forget about the endless amount of laundry there is waiting to be washed, dried and folded.
6. Bills -- I just hate them...'nuff said.
7. Green Run 'Gators' swim team -- we are supposed to register Malia for the swim team today (we're kind of late in doing this). Adam insists that she is ready and this will be a good opportunity for her. Malia says she definitely wants to do this. Me, being the worrier that I am, is a bit hesitant.
8. What's for dinner? -- Beats the hell out of me...how about the leftover Papa John's pizza from lunch?
9. To shampoo or not, that is the question -- The carpet in our living room & hallway is awful. It's stained, messy and just icky looking. Do I shampoo the carpet myself and save the money? Or do I just pay someone to come out and do the dirty work for me?
10. Why can't I stay organized?? -- I just don't think it's in my nature to be an organized person. Not.at.all.

This quitter is gonna win!

I smoke.

It's a shocking surprise for some and no secret for others. I don't smoke daily. Hardly ever while I am at home. HOWEVER, if I am at work, around another smoker or if I am indulging in an ice cold alcoholic beverage, well, I turn into a human chimney.

I don't want to do it anymore. I just don't want to. My lack of willpower scares me, though. And, of course, it does not help matters that I have a husband who smokes, too. But,

I WILL DO THIS!

I will. There are three cigarettes left in my pack and after that there will be no more.

I lurk...

I am curious by nature. Always have been and always will be.

Thank goodness for the internet!

It's an endless outlet for voyeurism. Do I stalk? No. Am I a troll? Negative.

I do Google a lot.

Oh, and MySpace...yeah, don't get me started on that. I have a MySpace. And, it has definitely gotten me back in touch with a lot of people. Plus, it's just fun to look at other people's pictures.

These blogs...they are so fun to read! Strangers on the 'net sharing thoughts & feelings about everything. It's pretty cool if you ask me.

So, back to lurking I go.

Ka-boom!

I'm about to blow. It's pretty much guaranteed. I know I am NOT the only woman & mother on the face of this planet who loses her cool and just feels the meltdown coming. No, I'm not talking about my children and their meltdowns. I am talking about mine.

My own hissy fit.

Yes, I am beyond angry and I want to whine about it. I'm having a pity party for poor old me.

So, this whole transition from working outside of the home to working in my home for my husband and father-in-law is not going so well. I just got chewed out (politely) for NOT getting things in the mail fast enough.

Hello?! I'm sorry, but you do remember that I have another job at the moment, right? Yeah, the one at the restaurant where I put in 50-60 hours a week? Yep. That's it. Oh, and you do realize that I DO have two children who are just 4 and 6. It's the last week of Kindergarten so school dismissals are earlier. Oh, and yes, I do have a gigantic mountain of laundry to wash, a house to clean, pets to take care of and a carpet that is in bad need of a good vacuuming and shampooing. Also, don't forget, just because I had the weekend off (which is a miraculous and rare thing in the restaurant biz) does not mean that I am going to pour my precious free time into this new job...especially NOT when my parents are visiting and we are celebrating my son's 4th birthday. By the way -- I thought you were three hours away fishing in a tournament?

*sigh*

Why do I feel the need to make excuses for myself? Because I deserve them. It's bad enough that I get home from work in the wee hours of the morning. I get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep and I'm up by 7:30am to see my daughter off to school. My days are on constant repeat. Work, barely sleep, try to get 20345873496739546 things done in a 3 hour stretch and repeat. And, all the while I'm expected to get "x" amount of things done for the new business. Sure. I mean, tomorrow I'm going to do my best. Yes, I'll be the one toting two kids to the municipal offices to talk about getting a business license and then going to the circuit court building to finish up my notary paperwork. Yes, with two kids in tow. Lucky me.

Why doesn't anyone feel badly for me? Because that "anyone" I am referring to are my husband and father-in-law. Men. They are like two peas in a pod. When they say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree they weren't lying about Adam and his dad. I do not believe it is in their nature to feel badly for anyone...let alone a woman.

I'm not superwoman.

I'll let the house go to shit if need be. I'll sit on my butt watching the Food Network all day long if it buys me some peace & quiet that I so badly deserve. What no one has realized yet is that if I stop, everything else will stop...the dishes, the laundry, the cleaning, the bills, the shopping, etc.

Will I go on strike? No. Going on strike just means more of a mess to clean up later...although I did say just now that I have no problems with letting things fall apart. Ugh. Just the thought of it all going to hell in a handbasket makes me shudder. I'm no Suzy Homemaker but I do try to keep a nice house.

Will I snap? More than likely, but not Jerry Springer style.

Just wait until Adam answers his phone.......

Calgon, take me away!

I have so much going on in my life at the moment. Some days I handle the stress better than other days. And, it seems as if the closer I get to turning 30, the thought of change just does not sit well with me.

Last month my husband quit his job. Quit. Yes, quit. I knew it was coming. He had been unhappy for a while. But, to just quit?? You've got to be kidding, right? Nope. Now, he did not quit just ANY job. He quit the job he has had for the last NINE years. NINE years working for his father & stepmother in the family business. Well, as it turns out his father quit, too. To keep all personal family drama out of the blog the long story made short is this: Adam's father & stepmother are separating and it's caused a big rift in the company. There is a light at the end of the tunnel...Adam and his father are going into business together which brings me to my next stressor...

The waiting. Waiting on things to fall into place. Waiting on paperwork. Waiting on things to happen. Waiting. And waiting and waiting and more waiting.

Fortunately, in the meantime, Adam is passing his time with side jobs and such. And, much to many peoples dismay, he did cash out his 401K which is buying us some financial time as we don't want to rely on it for too long.

So, don't think that I haven't been working this whole time. I mean, yes, I did quit my full-time job back in 2004 in order to stay at home with our children, but I have since returned to work -- but only part-time. Well, in May I decided to be gutsy and go for what I wanted...I had been waiting tables for a while now and I really wanted a steady income that my family could depend on as far as budgeting and bill paying was concerned. So, I stepped up to the plate and took on a management position at the restaurant I have been employed at since October 2006. Should I just cut to the chase and say my last day at the restaurant is July 1st?! The 50-60 hour work weeks (primarily at night) have taken a toll on me. It's been a great experience and I'm forever grateful for it, but it's definitely NOT for someone with a family...especially a family with two young children.

On that note, I'm excited to say that I'll be working with Adam and his father. I'll basically run the office for the new company. I'll be working from home. Eeek. I've come full circle. I was a full-time working mother (working away from home, that is). I became a stay at home mom. I became a stay at home mom who worked part-time and now I'll be a full-time working FROM home mom. Whoa.

So, yeah, there's a lot going on. A lot of new and exciting things are on the horizon for our family. Some of it is pretty unpredictable. Some of it is to be expected. Either way, this is my hubby's dream -- to be a business owner -- and I will stand by him no matter how frazzled my nerves become.

He's finally four...

My youngest turns four years old today.

Four. I can't believe it.

At this exact moment in time four years ago I was in labor with him. It was the fastest five hours of my life (compared to the excruciating 24 hours of labor I experienced with his older sister). By noon I was holding my baby boy in my arms.

Where has the time gone? I couldn't tell you. Ask any parent and they will say that children grow up too fast. One day they are fussy newborns who need you for everything and, before you know it, that fussy newborn is a spunky little boy with an awesome personality.

Post One

So, I figured that I would dive head first into the world of blogging. I spend enough time on the computer, so why not, right?

Perhaps it is just another way for me to procrastinate and avoid the inevitable. Well, at this certain point in time I know for a fact that blogging is helping me keep from doing what I should be doing. Why do something now when you can do it later, right?

Wrong!

Anyway, I have blogged before on the wonderful little website we all know as My Space. I guess this site will just be more personal to me. An online journal. A public diary. An outlet for things I need to say and things I need to let out.

I'm looking forward to my blogging journey...it should just get better with time...and, in the meantime, it just lets all of you know about lil' ole me!